“Customer Service” is dead, long live “Customer Service”.

Retail is really awful. It is quite awful for a number of subtle and very un-subtle reasons, and I am here to talk about them, because after working in retail for 7 years (and finally escaping into the blissful arms of corporate mediocrity) I can tell you that it is a special kind of hell.

I should start by saying that my personal experiences in retail weren’t even that bad, and that in fact I got verbally/sexually/physically harassed far less than many of my friends. So, keep that in mind while you read on.

I should also say that I do think that retail is a useful step for teenagers. As a first job, it’s great: you’re forced to show up on time and not be smelly and learn how to be polite and not steal. You have to talk to people, be professional and hide your hangover. These are all skills that will come in handy later, and while you’re in high school it’s not exactly like you have a lot of other options or skills or the time to dedicate to serious work.

The issue with retail comes post-high school. While retail is great for a short-term gig, it sucks once you’ve finished grade 12. It’s basically a cluster fuck of failures that interact in a splendid ballet of poverty and debt. LET’S EXPLORE.

Problem #1: The Money

This is a common scenario:

You graduate high school and go to University. You even got a modest entrance scholarship, but you didn’t qualify for any of the big ones because you didn’t have time to join a bunch of extra-curriculars because duh, you had to work. So now you have to pay for school and maybe even living on your own, and retail is just not going to cover it. Well, it might – if you could get full-time work. And theoretically you could cram a 40-hour work-week into your school schedule, except that you are only hired for a full-time gig if you have open availability, so you’re stuck at part-time.

But maybe you think – hey, I know, I’ll just get a job that isn’t retail! It’s a brilliant idea, but the unfortunate thing about retail is that it only really gives you the experience to do more retail. If you are lucky (and smart), you’ll do your smart serve qualification and get a job in a restaurant as a waitress/hostess/bartender. However, a lot of people will also be trying to get those jobs, so you may very well end up washing dishes or bussing tables…for minimum wage.

Problem #2: The Attitude

As Sophie says (although apparently this isn’t original), “minimum wage says to employees: I would pay you less if I could, but it’s illegal”. One of my exes (whom I met working retail) was fond of the axiom “minimum wage gets minimum effort”. Thus we encounter the major issue with retail: retail employers think their employees should be grateful to have a job. Retail employees think that their bosses should be grateful to have workers. As usual though, it’s the person holding the purse strings who has all the power.

Here are some things you should know about working retail:

If you work part-time, you likely have no guaranteed hours. Some places will say “oh sure, we can guarantee you 20 hours a week” but you will never, ever get that in writing. At my longest retail gig, I was guaranteed one shift per pay period. However, if you want time off you have to request it weeks in advance, and your request may be denied if they need you to work or if you want time off over the holidays. According to The Law, you cannot be forced to do a shift on less than 48-hours notice, but the truth is that if you want to work you will take the shifts that are available, which often means coming in on 20 minutes noticed because someone called in sick.

Speaking of getting sick – if you do, you will not get paid. At all. Oh, and as a part-time employee, you most likely do not have health benefits of any kind. And when you do come back from, say, two weeks of strep throat, your employer will want a note from a doctor. That you will have to pay $10-$30 for. Out of pocket. To justify the time you were off, not getting paid.

While you are working, your employer will expect you to make sales; they will give you a target and you will get reprimanded if you do not meet this target. If you do meet this target, you will absolutely no monetary reward, but your manager will: they, as probably the only salaried employee in the place, will make a bonus based on how much income the store earns. Sales, as you might expect, is a high-pressure game where your job is to:
1. Convince people to buy stuff they may or not want
2. Then, convince them to buy the most expensive/profitable version of that stuff
3. Now, make them buy something else (this is called UPT or units per transactions; as a retail salesperson, you want to make people buy several things at once)
4. Try not to throw up in your mouth.

Personally, I feel vaguely dirty when I’m trying to sell people shit. There is a difference between helping people find the shit they came in to buy and trying to tack on an impulse purchase that they don’t need and never wanted to begin with. I don’t mind the former. The latter gives me hives.

In a commissioned sales environment, the salesperson is working for the company, but they are also working for themselves. Their ability and desire to sell correlates with their paycheque, so they are at least rewarded for their hard work. Not so in retail. In retail, you’re expected to wheedle and flirt and prod and lie because the company tells you to. It won’t get you a raise (unless the government mandates an increase in minimum wage) and it will only tangentially be related to how many shifts you get (that’s more dependent on your availability), but it will get you a hearty thank you. Maybe. If your boss remembers.

The Law does protect you, part-time employee, from being dismissed without cause…but it does not protect you from being forced to quit because your boss gives you either no shifts at all or the bare minimum require to not have fired you. Fun!

You are expected to show up 15 minutes before your shift starts (without pay). You are expected to stop your (unpaid) lunch hour (30 minutes) early if the store gets busy. You do not get vacation pay. You will not get overtime unless you work more than 44 hours in a week, despite the fact that as a part-time employee you are not supposed to work more than 30-35 (depending on the store). You are expected to wear clothing that follows the dress code, which generally dictates pants and tops of a specific colour, type and length, or clothing from the store itself if possible. You are not allowed to wear patterns. You are not allowed to wear short sleeves. You are not allowed to wear the colour yellow. You are not allowed to wear shoes that are not black. You are not allowed to have more than one hole in each ear. You are probably not allowed to have any other piercings. You must cover all your tattoos. You are not allowed to have any kind of food or beverage on the sales floor. You are not allowed to take break until you are given permission.

One day I was working at my second-ever retail job. It was the first week, maybe the second, and I needed to take lunch. My lunch was scheduled for 12, but the assistant manager was working in the back of the store. When I asked to go on my lunch, she told me that I would have to wait until she had finished what she was doing, and then she was going to take her lunch, and then I would have mine.

By 1 pm the assistant still hadn’t taken lunch and I was starting to feel dizzy, but I couldn’t leave the floor because I was the only one working. I was leaning on the cash, and when I straightened up to help a customer who had come in I promptly fainted, knocking over the garbage can beside me. The customer screamed and the assistant finally came out of the back. I was, thankfully, unhurt. In retrospect, I should’ve sued. Live and learn, kittens.

Problem #3: The Bullshit

Worst of all though – in my humble, angry opinion – is the Bullshit. The Bullshit is all the lines and branding and marketing crap your manager will demand you memorize and believe and proselytize. The Bullshit is built into every hypocritical interaction you will have with the higher-ups. It is festering in the back room, where you will be forced to leave your belongings which the company takes no liability for should someone steal them.

Your manager will say “We care about the customer”. He will mean “Take as much of their money as you can.” Your manager will say “We care about our employees”. He will tell you that you are on probation because you called in sick when he wouldn’t grant you a day off to do your exam. Your manager will hold yearly reviews to discuss your performance and give out intangible benefits, like putting your picture in the back room under the “Star Performer!!” section of the whiteboard. He will get angry if you don’t spend every free moment dusting. Your manager will give you a binder of the Bullshit to take home and read, and it will have mission statements about creating an environment of respect, corporation and excellence. He will call you at home on your day off to call you and your coworkers “a trifecta of fuckups” because you left the store ten minutes before you finished the closing paperwork so you could catch your last bus home.

True story.

Retail is terrible. I don’t know what to do about it, other than escape. Suggestions welcome.

Cheers,

Leslee.